Tickle that funny-bone!

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks did hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match".

The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with phone number for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down-

DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock
this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

[3 minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us."

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: "Up the ass..."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

About last week...

OH~ It's good to be back!

no applause? What? nobody missed me? Erm... Right. I get it. Your're all pissed-off as to why there was a dip in number of posts. Internet trolls and cyber bullies, allow me to unravel what we were up to last week - a week of stealth and deception, paranoia and anxiety, impersonation and trickery...So... about last week...

SO WHERE ARE THE UPDATES??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To suggest that my column is only late because I spent Thursday eating nachos and screaming at the Real Madrid players on my television is positively ludicrous, and you open yourself up to legal action if you even consider that as a possibility. My column is complete, and I am in fact rubbing it all over my naked body as I type this, so excuse any typos.

SO WHY ARE YOU NOT POSTING IT???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truth of the matter is - I am not Iron man.

But I digress. You see, on Saturday night last week, we received a call from a syndicate who code named themselves Shadow Government. It sounded urgent and pressing and the man on the other line had a British accent. Here's the actual recorded conversation...

Man on the other line: Hello? We would like to speak to Agent Han.

me: Hola Amigo! It great to hear from you! How has it been, my brotha-from-anotha-motha!

Man: Er... I don't think we've met befo...

me: Bullshit! C'mon man, those hookers you intro'd me to! They were AWESOMEEEE! When are you gonna take me there again? C'mon man! How about tonight?

Man: Erm, Sir, I don't know you and I don't know what you're talking about. Can we speak to Agent Han please.

me: Bahh cut the act Johnny! We both clearly know what I'm talking about. *winks* Eh? Johnny?

Johnny: How- did- How did you even know my real name- My wife doesn't even- How-

me: C'mon take me there again and lets party! *winks* *winks*

At this point, 'Agent' Han walks into the room and grabs the phone from me

"Stop winking u idiot! He can't see you wink from the phone!"

'Agent' Han then takes the phone into another room which was equipped with sound proof glass doors for the sole purpose of keeping my prying ears out.

After a lengthy and nerve-wrecking 26 seconds, Agent Han emerges from the room and says,

"Assemble Team Samba. We have a target."

Shadow Government?! Agent Han?! Team Samba?! WTF is going on?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To spare you the confusion and a whole fairy tale elaborately thought up by a 24 year old in the toilet taking a dumb because he had finished using his internet bandwidth from surfing porn, Team Samba signed up for Streetwars.

Just the facts:

- Streetwars is a 3 week long, 24/7, water gun assassination tournament.

- Team Samba consisted of Agents Han, Des, Xun and myself, Zw.

- Agent Han wets his pants every night in bed.

Now I know what your're thinking. You're thinking that its so selfish of sixguys, who would rather play a stupid water gun game than to spend their time writing posts for your entertainment and enlightenment. You're also thinking about porn.

But let me tell you this.

Streetwars ain't no stroll in a park.

We spent everyday living in fear.

That cleaner at the staircase of my block? A well-trained assassin skilled in the arts of disguise.

That unassuming rubbish chute? A planned ambush set up by guerrilla commandos.

That vehicle in your rear view mirror? Step on the accelerator and lose him!

All these happenings while we rack our brains trying to hunt our target and finish him off with a point blank double tap to the head.

AWESOME! YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL! WE LOVE YOU AND WANT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TO SEND YOU NUDE PICS (of girls)!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sixguysataprataplace@gmail.com.

Alas, all good things come to an end. But not necessarily a good end. Streetwars was shut down, a week into the tournament. Apparently, Shadow Government faults licencing issues but we all know that it was because they couldn't handle the fire that Team Samba had started.

Team Samba had 2 kills in 5 days and we were ready for the 3rd.

But at least we can finally return to the life of simple folk. Dwelling in padi-fields and watching the cattle graze... Life may not be as exciting as it was, but at least there wouldn't be 4 paranoid agents, looking over their shoulders every now and then, ready to spring into a watery gunslinger soaking action.

zw

How to Sliding Tackle

With tongue firmly in cheek, here's a guide on how to sliding tackle without getting a red card. It's also known as how to steal someone's girlfriend without getting brutally beaten up, killed or raped by his rugby friends.

Step One
Enroll in a self-defense class, preferably something like Muay Thai or Brazilian Jujitsu. This would help you out when you're facing her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend and his entourage of snarling friends on a deserted street. Instead of being brutally beaten up, you might just get away with a few scratches and a broken collarbone.

Step Two
Get a tattoo, preferably on your bicep or triceps and make sure it's snarling.



When you flex your bicep, it looks much more menacing to your attackers and they might get scared. Or they might call more people down. That's when you call the police.

Step Three
Make them break up. A great general would always sow discord in the enemy's camp and this is no exception. A well-placed female underwear in his bag would usually arouse suspicions in his significant other. Make sure it's lacy. And red. And has the name Stacy on it.



Start learning Photoshop and place your opponent's body, face, head, leg or even nose in the most compromising of situations with other girls. Make sure the girl is naked and he is smiling.

Step Four
Approach the girl and give her a shoulder to cry on, preferably the one with the tiger tattoo on it because chicks dig tattoos, especially snarling tigers.

Mission success.

han

notes: If you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy our pick-up lines post.

Loosen Up

Here's a little something for everyone out there who's rushing deadlines or shoving books down your throat in hopes that you can digest all that knowledge for your upcoming papers. sixguys empathizes with you people (yes, you too zw and xun) and we understand how it feels. So kick back, relax and take a well-deserved 3 minutes break for wasting your youth on 3 hours of continuous mugging when you could have gone out there to plant a tree for mother nature with the same amount of time.

Disclaimer: We do not own the song in anyway. This song belongs to its rightful owners.

des

6 Driving Etiquettes for the Sexy Man

Now I want you to picture this. Close your eyes. (In your mind. Keep your eyes open to read this article, unless you know some other way.) Consider this scenario.

A hot chick you met earlier gets into your car and asks you to drive her home or to a hotel for a night of passion. You gleefully oblige and shift into first gear. Just as you were exiting the carpark, some asshole old lady steps into the zebra crossing and thankfully, you hit the brakes. She then starts trotting step by step. It seemed apparent to you that by the time she crosses the road, the Iraq war would have been over. So you inch your car a little forward and start to rev the engine a little. "That ought to wake her up," you think silently, growing impatient with each passing second. The asshole old lady looked up at you with a confused face and you give her an annoyed glare. "Come on... Come on..." you mumbled to yourself. And then you honked. The next thing you know, the passenger door slams shut and the seat on your left is empty except for a bit of a cool breeze. Also, the old lady points the middle finger at you. "What the hell?"

Now, open your brain-eyes and slap yourself if this has this ever happened to you. Slap yourself again for not slapping yourself hard the first time. Now I know those of you who are going all like "No way man, I'm always at my best behavior on the roads! I'm a safe driver and never had any accidents!" Slap yourself. No matter how perfect we'd like to think we are, we all commit the occasional driving faux pas every once in a while (myself included). Don't believe me? Read on...

_______________________________________________________
#1 Tailgating
_______________________________________________________

Some of you like to feel that you have the ability to pilot your vehicle with a safety distance to the next car of only the thickness of the latest Samsung LED TV.

33mm!!

Sorry to break the news to you, but unless you're Hiro Nakamura, master of time and space, or you come from a planet that defies the very laws of physics, you are most likely going to end up in an accident sooner or later. Also, Einstein, Newton and Galileo are probably going to gather around your battered ass and say, "See? I told you so."

Riding behind the bumper of another car is not going to take you to your location any sooner. If anything, it will just make the driver in front get nervous or irritated. The habit of driving too closely to the vehicle in front topped the list of the most-hated road habits, the survey from automotive repair company Kwik-Fit found. There have been cases of taxi drivers who deliberately jam brake and then later claim insurance and health benefits from their company and the company then comes after you.

Now I understand your desire to drive faster because there are hot naked girls waiting for you in your bed, but it doesn't make a difference whether you are driving 2cm or 2 car lengths away from the front vehicle. It's still the same speed! Your destination is not going to go anywhere else! It'll still be there when you reach. So for god's sake stop sniffing the rear of other vehicles and just pull back 2 car lengths.

And then some prick tells me, "But if I always pull to 2 car lengths away, another car will then cut in front of me and I have to back off further until the next car cuts me again!" Which brings me to the topic...

_______________________________________________________
#2 Not letting other cars merge
_______________________________________________________

Amongst Hitler's massacre of the Jews, Madoff's Ponzi scheme and Kanye West crashing Taylor's acceptance speech, not letting other cars merge into your lane is also one of the biggest dick moves to pull.

Yo, I'm really happy for you and imma let you finish.

But I have one of the best dick moves OF ALL TIMES!

Do all cars have to prove their worth to you in a bare-knuckle fist fight in order to 'earn' the right to cut in front of you? The roads aren't race tracks and there is no need to 'defend your lane' by warding off every car that so much as drives beside you. Not only will your girl look at you as a self-centered jerk who will refuse to give way during future conflicts, you're also being a potential road hazard.

Also, what if that driver needed to cut into your lane or he'll miss his exit and the next exit is 10km away? It's like during that one marathon where you ran 41km and then tripped over a rock and busted your knee. Only this time, busting the knee meant missing the exit. And the rock was a dick. And the dick was you.

_______________________________________________________
#3 Honking/Flashing headlights at a traffic light junction
_______________________________________________________

If you were in a queue behind someone at the mall, would you start screaming at the back of their head to move as soon as the line starts to crawl a little? Of course you wouldn't! It's just bad etiquette and you know it! So what gives drivers the right to honk at cars, particularly those at the front of the queue, the moment the lights flash green? What are you trying to prove? That you've the fastest reaction in the whole world? That if you were at the front instead of him, you would be miles ahead by now?

It's like walking up to someone and declaring to play 'tag' and immediately say 'TAG!! You're it!" and then run away like a pussy. It's childish.

Sure if the guy was sleeping on the wheel or busy making out with his girl, go ahead and go nuts with that honk/high beam of yours. Have an all-you-can-honk-buffet if you'd like! Honk with your hands/elbows/nose or even ass if you'd like to. But all I'm saying is, just give him a second or two before you start declaring to the whole world that the guy in front is wasting your precious time. (Like you'd be doing anything productive with it in the first place.)



Speaking of time wasting...

_______________________________________________________
#4 Slowing down for 4-D numbers or for glimpses of dead people
_______________________________________________________

The number one most common cause of a traffic holdup is due to an accident that happened. The second most common cause is due to idiots who slow down to look at the accident. The third is due to accidents that happen because these idiots were paying attention at the accident scene instead of the fucking road. The accident scene doesn't need your 'expert' opinion. It doesn't need your approval whether or not they deserved it. It doesn't need your assessment of the situation. And it certainly does not need you as a witness.

How would you like if five miles of vehicles, lined up bumper to bumper, slowed down to gloat at your misery before speeding off?

And don't give the bull-excrement that slower speed theoretically means safer speeds, because it's probably already safe to pass the accident scene by the time you reach there. Response units have already cleared the carnage and redirected traffic flow even before you could reach for that itch at your butt-crack. So don't go putting the blame on poor ol' safety when it was clearly your bitch-of-an-inquisitive nature that got the better of you.

Pictured: You as the horny deer. The accident scene is under the skirt.

_______________________________________________________
#5 Not using turn signals
_______________________________________________________

Remember the time when the whole road was yours to roam? There were no laws or rules that govern whenever or wherever you want to turn/stop to take a pee. You could swerve left and ride whenever you wanted to and people didn't care if they knew where you were going. You do? Well then you must either be a cowboy in the 1860s or a really really bad driver who doesn't even know the function of turn signals.

The act of extending the right index finger and flicking it up or down is so excruciatingly painful to some, that they would rather forgo it than to warn other road users of when they are about to go Initial-D.

"My finger hurts so much that I can't signal but I can do this!" *tyres screech*

Those bright little flickering lights aren't actually for you to show off to your raver pals but they actually serve a purpose - to inform others of your intentions! I know right?! Who could have guessed! The simple act of signaling when you want to change lanes or make a turn could have prevented so many near misses we see on the road everyday! What an awesome awesome invention!

_______________________________________________________
#6 Overtaking and then flipping off
_______________________________________________________

The road is a cold, ugly, unfeeling place incapable of showing any emotions. It does not care if you're driving a Ferrari or a Toyota Prius. It does not show mercy or pity. It knows none of these feeble feelings. And every now and then, as if to display its authority, it sends a speeding automobile that overtakes you and flips you off.

You just got flipped by the Ghost Flipper

The Ghost Flipper is said to have no soul. It does not have a conscience. It does not require food like you or me to survive. Instead, it thrives on the act of overtaking slower cars, flipping them off and then speeding off with blood-curdling laughter and a smirk on its skeletal face. The roads are his playground and you are nothing but mere pawns in his game of chess.

Some say he is the reincarnation of a boy who had a lonely and neglected childhood causing him to grow up with behavior what most people consider to be jerk-like. Others claimed the Ghost Flipper actually made a deal with the Devil himself to roam the roads in search of hapless victims to overtake and flip off, all in the name of 'showing off'. In return, the Devil promised him all the riches he could imagine. (Which is actually just enough for road taxes and speeding fines.)

The Ghost Flipper thinks of himself as a 'bad-ass mofo'. He believes no one can match his elite driving skills and those who do not, deserves to be ridiculed by the act of the extension of one of his digits. Also, he is convinced girls will flock after him whenever he pulls off such a 'bad-ass' act.

What he does not realize, is that people actually pity him and chicks do not dig pompous fascists, who like to tailgate and refuse to give way, slow down and honk unnecessarily at people's miseries, and don't know what signal lights are for.

zw

Pick Up Lines

Write it on your cheat sheet. sixguys takes no responsibility for slapped faces or spilled drinks on denim jeans.

THE CHEAT SHEET
"Hey babe, I noticed you noticing me and I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you to."

YOU: "So I was wondering. Are we going to start talking or are we going to keep flirting from a distance?"
GIRL: -laughs
YOU: "Hi, I'm (insert name here).

"I'm going to dance right next to you and you can think that I'm dancing with you."

YOU: "Hey, can I ask you a real quick question. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"
GIRL: "No?"
YOU: "Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm (insert name here)."

Cute shop assistant at a clothing store and you're trying on some jeans.
YOU: "I have no idea whether this looks good on me. Hey, what do you think?"
GIRL: "Etc, etc, blah, blah."
YOU: "If let's say I was wearing this same pair of jeans and I came up to you and asked you for your phone number, would you give it to me?"

Han

Fuck

Out of all the English words that begin with the letter F, fuck is the only word referred to as the 'F' word. One magical word, just on its own, can describe pain, pleasure hate and love. The F word can be used in the heat of the moment, in times of passion or to simply to bask in sweet sweet gratification.

Fuck yeah...

In our mission to educate men from all walks of life, I present to you this unique and versatile word. Fuck.

________________________________________________________________
6 scenarios you'll find yourself compelled to blurt out the F-word
________________________________________________________________

So, it was a Saturday night, you and your pal, Vincent, decided to hang out at the local bar/pub, just like all other losers in town do (and also because this week's Saturday night movie on Channel 5 sucked. Loser.)

You take the train down to Clarke Quay station where both of you had arranged to meet. On the journey, you started thinking about when was the last time you and Vincent met. Heck you realized you don't even know a whole lot about Vincent.

He was from my Secondary school... right?

Does he have a girl-friend?

Of course not.

Why the hell would he hang out with me on Saturdays if he had a girlfriend.

But that Facebook picture of him and that blonde...

Ooo... that girl standing across has nice boobs...

Oh yea about Vincent.

Is he working? Schooling?

Shit. Who the hell is this guy I'm hanging out with?

Is he even capable of dragging my ass out when I get shit drunk and start taunting the bouncer?

Wait... what does he even look li-

Oh yes! She dropped her file! Wait for it... Wait for it... YES!! She's bending over to pick up that file or whatever! Yes! Did she dropped it on purpose so that she can show me her boobies? Should I go approach her and compliment her on those awesome boobies.

those awesome boobies

Suddenly, as if to get you out of your pervert thoughts, you feel a smack on your back and hear,

"Hey, Brian! How the Fuck have you been!"

______________________________________________________________
#1. Fuck can be used as a greeting
______________________________________________________________

Yeap. That's the Vincent you remembered for being notoriously vulgar. There he stood, all 5 feet and 200 pounds of him. He looked like the kind who would wrestle alligators in the morning just to get his heart pumping. Instead of eating bread and toast in the morning, he would eat the bread toaster and the coffee maker. He also happens to be the only person you ever knew who punctuates sentences with the word 'fuck'. If the word 'fuck' was sprinklers and confetti, we'd be having a party right now. And if the party was a sex party, I would invite the girl across with the awesome rack.

-Smacks-

"Ouch! What the fuck was that for?"

______________________________________________________________
#2. Fuck can be used to express pain
______________________________________________________________

"I said how are you man?"

"Yea, I was fine until you smacked me..."

(You whined, rubbing your hands on your head to check if there were any contusions. Yeap. Vincent is definitely able to drag your ass out of the pub if you start messing around with the bouncers.)

"Well, you were in a daze and your hands were rubbing at your groin."

"What? No i was not- I uh- I was- uh- sex party- Never mind. Hey so tonight huh? Like old times?"

"Fuck yea~ Like old-fucking times!"

(Vincent raised his hand up for a high-five but to avoid a broken/fractured wrist, you clap your hands together in an awkward manner and started to turn towards the direction of the pub.)

"Oh...kay... Let's just go there huh?

About fuckin-time!"

______________________________________________________________
#3. To tell the time (note the omission of the letter 'g' in the word 'fuckin'
______________________________________________________________

The city lights stood out with a busy constellation of streets and houses, while luxury cars weaved their way around the inverted sky. It was impossible to make sense of, except for the main strip, a single entity of light and noise. Crowds of youngsters swaggered towards the red neon lights like zombies attracted to flesh and brains except the brains in this case meant boobs while flesh meant... yea just flesh.

Brains...

Moments later you found yourselves in a bar, beer mug in one hand while your other hand occasionally came out of your pocket to scratch that itch that was never really there in the first place. Beads of sweat formed around your temples despite of the air-conditioner blasting you in the face.

'If anyone asks me why I am perspiring, I'll reply to them 'because I'm too hot' and then wink at them cheekily' you tell yourself... but after a whole thirty minutes of standing like a wooden block, the most you got was a 2 second glance - which came from the bartender who wanted the empty beer mug back.

In short, you, the geek, found yourself thrown in a socially awkward situation. You stood still, feeling like a lost kid whose parents brought you along to their social gathering with high school friends. You felt a nudge and you see Vincent pointing his chin towards his left.

"Hey, check out that hot chick!"

"Which hot chick?" you reply, wiping some sweat off from your forehead. "Is she perspiring too?"

"What? No! That one over there!" Vincent edges his chin towards the left a little more. "at the couch." She's so fucking hot! I would gladly give 5 years of my life just to be her boyfriend."

______________________________________________________________
#4. As an indicator of extreme standards
______________________________________________________________

You see a group of girls. But only one stood out. Tall and lean with a figure like a Victorian model. Long wavy brown hair that had an extra bounce whenever she turned her head. Her poise and posture told the story of a ballroom dancer. She wore a white party dress with a plunging neckline. She was so hot that when she smoked a cigarette, she didn't need a lighter. She was so hot the reason the universe is expanding is because she is arousing it.



Mustering your courage, you decided to give it a shot. Because hey, what have you got to lose yea? Who knows what could happen? I mean like, whats the worse that could happen?

Your strides were wide. Your chest was high. You walked up to this babe. Remembering the material you read from sixguys, you delivered your approach.

"Hey babe, would you like to come over to my place and check out my cat doing back-flips?"

-Oh wait a mi- was that how it's suppose to be?! Crap! I've totally fucked this up for the 26th time!

______________________________________________________________
#5. To make a botch of something; blunder
______________________________________________________________

Your heart slowly sank as you prepared for rejection, you feel the sweat dripping down your neck as you braced yourself for a slap or worse, a kick in the nuts.

"Hmmm... Okay."

"Huh? Wha- Okay? You mean like it was an 'Okay' pickup line or 'Okay, you won't kick me in the nuts'? or..."

"Lets go over to your place to check out that cat of yours!"

You cannot believe your ears! It must have been all the accumulated karma you earned buying the karma-tissues from street peddlers! Or perhaps the stars have come together to align and created for you a perfect storm of sexual attraction (sextraction)!

Moments flashed by and all you could remember were stills of your sexual adventures. Like a silent movie.

This is the best sex scene we could provide due to violations of terms of agreement.

The next morning came. The sun shone brightly through the frosted glass, sprinkling beams of shimmering soft light across the walls, as though someone had sprinkled glitter from above creating a beautiful masterpiece. It felt strangely unusual for a November morning, as although the day was bright, the air remained icy cold.

You awoke with a wide victorious smile from the noise of the the flowing of water from the bathroom tap followed by the sounds of a elegant lady peeing in your toilet. A woman in your bedroom toilet. Yes, you like how the words had a zing to it because the only other woman who ever stepped into your toilet was your mom and she swore never again. Out of curiosity or your perverse nature, you leaned across your bed to take a peek at your prize of the night.



Oh Fuck...

______________________________________________________________
#6. To depict how deep in shit you are
______________________________________________________________

You phone rang and you answered, still in a state of shock but it all became apparent to you as you heard Vincent on the other end of the line hysterically laughing.

"How'd you like the Roofies in your beer Mr. Homo?"

zw