Friday, February 19

Conversational Jujitsu: 42

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best." - Oscar Wilde

Traversing through the minefield of conversing with an attractive woman is not an easy task. Hopefully, you've managed to keep her entertained throughout the entire conversation and she is quite literally eating out of the palm of your hands, perhaps sharing a warm bowl of instant cup noodles.

You're coming towards the tail end of what has been a truly nice chat. We've arrived at the 3rd part of any conversation, the closing. It's time to put that ship to dock and unload the cargo.

The Phone Number
You've probably wondered how to go about asking for a phone number. Most people do it at the beginning of the conversation. However, that would be breaking cardinal rule number one: Going in with an objective in mind.

If she had enjoyed the conversation as much as you did, the phone number is just a formality. To be on the safe side, look out for Indicators of Interest or IOIs. IOIs are a form of signage put up by women to indicate that they are interested in seeing what your jeans hide. The more common IOIs are:

1. Brushing their hair back
2. Laughing at your jokes
3. Smiling like Santa Claus just gave them a robin-blue box.
4. Leaning forward
5. Taking the opportunity to get closer to you

You might get lucky and she might offer it to you but Singaporean women are not that forward. Relate the request for her digits to an earlier part of the chat. If you had been teasing her about divorce, then ask her whether you can get her number so that your lawyer can contact her.

A much simpler manner would be something along the lines of:

"It's been a pleasure, doll. Would you like to go out for another round of coffee next time so that I can show you pictures of my cat doing backflips?"

Remember, pizza and caramel topping. Be bloody interesting.

What if she rejects you for some strange reason?

"Fair enough. In any case, I've really enjoyed shooting the moon with you. Another time, another day perhaps. I'm terribly sorry but I have to go see a man about a horse. You have a good day now babe and stop accosting strangers at Starbucks."

Eject from the place politely. Make her regret not giving you her phone number. Let her mind mull over what could have been. Always remember that you are the prize.

After The Phone Number
What do you now after you get the phone number? There are a multitude of options available to the technologically savvy man, from Facebook stalking to playing it cool to texting her fifteen minutes after you've just left her.

sixguys recommends that you wait a day before you text her. Three days is just far too long and by that time, she would have lost any good vibes she's received from the random stranger chat while half an hour just screams possible possessive boyfriend. You could call her but you would have absolutely nothing to talk about besides the usual "So, what did you do" and "How's your day," both terribly boring and stirs up unwanted notions of rejection in the woman.

Again, relate the text to your conversation. Besides bringing up remnants of feel good feelings that she had, it makes her have an anchor point.

"Lawyer just called me. We need to discuss how to split the estate. I'm thinking you get the door. It's a nice oak from Italy. Coffee?"

or in txt speak.

"lawyer jst called. we need 2 discuss how 2 split estate. im thinking u get e door. nice oak from italy. kopi?"

I've never been a fan of text speak, much to the detriment of my friends who have to wade through the Queen's English while messaging me.

Set a time and day and she's all yours.

There you have it, the conversational jujitsu trilogy covering the art of the conversation with a woman you fancy. Feel free to drop a shout over at the very dusty chat board or send us hate mail from the comfort of your computer screen, discussing what makes me such an expert on talking and how I'm the manchild of a female dog.

Happy Lunar New Year too.



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