Wednesday, January 27

Conversational Jujitsu

"Conversation should touch everything but should concentrate itself on nothing." - Oscar Wilde

You have the clothes. You have the humor. Yet, whenever you talk to a girl, your hands get clammy and your heart skips a beat and you think about her rejection that's right at the tip of her tongue. You start babbling and before you know it, she's lost whatever initial interest she had at the beginning of the conversation and you've blown your chance.

There are no hard and fast rules when you're conversing with a woman. Every situation is different, every person unique. However, there are a couple of guidelines you can keep in mind when you start talking to her.

Conversation can be normally grouped into a 3-tiered structure:

1. Opening
2. Middle
3. Closing

Today, we go into opening.


1. Do not go in with an objective in mind
The no. 1 pickup line in Singapore is "Hey girl, can I have your number?" You're not Justin Timberlake.

That line only works in glorified hip hop songs by artistes who have one hit and overdose on Valium two days later. No offense to Justin Timberlake, he's a brilliant guy with a good voice and mad swagger.

Never talk to a woman you're interested in with an objective in mind, whether it be getting in her pants or scoring her digits.

Enjoy the conversation. Pick each other's mind and leave knowing you've made someone's day. Women can sense when you have a hidden agenda and their guard goes up immediately the moment you open your mouth.

2. Be bloody interesting
What do you do? What are you studying? Where do you stay?

This are called auto-pilot questions. She goes on auto-pilot when you ask questions that she's been asked multiple times and rattles off the same answers she always gives to other people. She will not be invested in the conversation and her interest level wanes off. Just ask one or two of these to get her warmed up and push off from there.

Ask questions with a bit of cherry sprinkling on top. For instance, instead of:

"What do you like to do?"

It can be:

"So, what does a budding biologist do in her free time?"

It shows you've been paying attention to her.

Instead of: "What's your job?"

It can be:

"What did you want to be when you were ten years old?"

The key here is to entertain. She could be talking to a dozen other people in the room instead of you, so make sure you are the most interesting person that she can possibly be talking to.

3. Stories
Since time immemorial, stories have been the lifeblood of societies. Getting off from guideline number 2, your stories should make her laugh and entertain her. Have a catalog of stories in your brain that you can extract at the opportune moment. They should be funny, interesting and show off your personality. Regale her with stories of travel and plunder. Show her you have a fun side by poking fun at yourself and the mishaps that seem to attract you.

On a related note, never attempt to validate yourself. For example, if you are rich, avoid brand dropping like, "So I was driving my Ferrari the other day..."

A rich man does not have to tell people he's rich.

4. Everyone's favourite topic is themselves
The term for this is chick crack. Some of my favourite things to do is to read the person and guess what she's like and what kind of shows she watches. An example of such show of finesse would be:

"You have two sisters and you're the middle. Your mom is a housewife and your dad works in an MNC. You tell people you like to watch chick flicks but your secret pleasure is actually gratuitous violence and guns."

However, avoid sounding like you're a smart aleck. It's a more playful tone than anything else to get her to open up. Learn a skill like palm reading or handwriting analysis and practise it on her.

In the next post, we'll talk about the middle and the closing and a certain someone called Wayne Elise.



Post a Comment