Friday, May 14

How to Sliding Tackle

With tongue firmly in cheek, here's a guide on how to sliding tackle without getting a red card. It's also known as how to steal someone's girlfriend without getting brutally beaten up, killed or raped by his rugby friends.

Step One
Enroll in a self-defense class, preferably something like Muay Thai or Brazilian Jujitsu. This would help you out when you're facing her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend and his entourage of snarling friends on a deserted street. Instead of being brutally beaten up, you might just get away with a few scratches and a broken collarbone.

Step Two
Get a tattoo, preferably on your bicep or triceps and make sure it's snarling.

When you flex your bicep, it looks much more menacing to your attackers and they might get scared. Or they might call more people down. That's when you call the police.

Step Three
Make them break up. A great general would always sow discord in the enemy's camp and this is no exception. A well-placed female underwear in his bag would usually arouse suspicions in his significant other. Make sure it's lacy. And red. And has the name Stacy on it.

Start learning Photoshop and place your opponent's body, face, head, leg or even nose in the most compromising of situations with other girls. Make sure the girl is naked and he is smiling.

Step Four
Approach the girl and give her a shoulder to cry on, preferably the one with the tiger tattoo on it because chicks dig tattoos, especially snarling tigers.

Mission success.


notes: If you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy our pick-up lines post.


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