Thursday, April 29

Conversational Jujitsu: Redux

A reader wondered aloud in our tagboard about the viability of the Conversational Jujitsu techniques advocated in the trilogy, especially towards women. For those of you who missed out, here is the Conversational Jujitsu trilogy in its entirety. I recommend you read it first before continuing on with this post.

Conversational Jujitsu: Part One, Part Two and Part Three

I thought it would be best to hear from the views of 2 very bright and attractive young women instead on their views towards Conversational Jujitsu.

I would like to thank them for taking time out of their busy schedule to write for us.

Knock yourself out spuds (:

note: Certain parts of the post have been edited for clarity but the meaning of the post has been left untarnished.

First things first, I AGREE TO THE PICK UP LINE point! In all things good and bad - unless you’re stunningly handsome and possess the swagger of Johnny Depp - I’m sorry but, largely, it does not work that way.

I really have to go with sixguys on this one. I do know what I want in a guy. There is one thing women have power over and that is called intuition. I feel it is okay to have an objective in mind and a bit of cherry sprinkling but too much and intuition kicks in. I believe females are pretty sensitive at detecting and spotting the difference because of our, and I quote, Innate Bullshit Meter. Be sincere, compliment yet do not give her too much. If you throw it all at once, what are you going to use for later?

I am the kind of person who values conversations and I do not mean auto-pilot, yes-no questions. Sure, I would want to talk about myself but I would also like a taste of your personality before I take things any further. To be honest, girls are just a part of the want to be able to speak well. For me, being a good conversationalist does not mean you have to be good at talking, it is a matter of what you contribute that makes the other party enjoy listening to you. (i.e. What do you like t.. Be Bloody Interesting!!)

Being able to hold a conversation well develops intellect and wit, it builds up your confidence and when you are confident, there is a sort of aura around you and a tag on your behind saying, ‘How You Dooin,’ copyright by Joey Tribiani. People around you notice, ergo, ladies notice. Seriously, when I am out on the streets, I get pretty appalled by the decreasing number of intellectual males out there when I hear them speak.

Another thing I agree to is noticing details. Really, really huge emphasis on this. You don’t have to be meticulous, you should just try being more observant than usual. Naturally, it will also add to your list of conversation starters and give you more things to chat over a cuppa.

“I noticed you like to… which I find rather interesting.” This is not negging

Actually telling her how much you like the quirky stuff she does will show how much you value the little things and I feel is what makes the relationship grow. Girls like it when they know someone is paying attention to them. Add in a little more Conversational Jujitsu and you’re on your way to detecting those IOIs.

When you see a cute girl walking into, say, a club, what is the first thing you say to her? Do you:
a. Approach her and ask, "Want to dance?"
b. Or "My friend wants to know you. Can I get your number please?"
c. Or "Can I buy you a drink?"
d. Take on a defeatist mentality and know you can't get her.
e. Think of what sixguys wrote about in sixguysataprataplace (especially in Conversational Jujitsu parts one, two and three) and use tips from there?

There is of course no right answer to my question. But there is one answer you ought to lean towards. Options a, b and c will get you the brush-off unless you are Vivian Dawson, Eddie Peng or any guy along their league.

(Although she might say yes to Option C and run off once the drink is in her hand). Option D is not the way to go; you might lose the girl of your dreams by being a coward. So I guess it's quite obvious what the preferred answer is.

Does conversational jujitsu work on a girl? As someone who just completed her university examination for statistical and quantitative measures, I will say that I am 90% confident that it works. (**If you are geeky enough like me, a confidence level was used because it either works on the girl in question or it doesn't. It's either a yes or no, not 90% yes and 10% no). Will it work on me? Yes it does. Of course, I am only one girl. I cannot speak as if I represent the entire female population.

Unlike what boys claim and like to sully my gender with, the mind of a lady is really simple. "Boy might not be cute. But boy makes me laugh. A lot. I think I might be interested in him." The gist of conversational jujitsu is of course, to make her laugh. (Mind you though, it's with you, not at you.) Girls like to laugh. Yesh, really, we do. We like men who are able to tickle us silly, while still holding a conversation of a certain intellectual level.

My favourite movie quote is from Ocean's Eleven:

Danny: Does he make you laugh?

Tess: He doesn't make me cry.

He, Terry Benedict, was all things for Tess except he doesn't make her laugh. Danny was everything non-Terry Benedict, but he made her laugh. Who did Tess end up with (again)? If even the sexiest man alive (George Clooney/Danny Ocean) knows it, how can you not?

There will be girls for whom Conversational Jujitsu (CJ) doesn't work. You will get the brush-off. Some of these girls are what we girls call 'superficial bitches'. They only care about two things: looks and money. They might be extremely gorgeous and look as if they stepped out of the magazine; but do you really want to be with a girl that superficial? Although, if you attempted using CJ and it doesn't work, it might be that you're not doing it right..

CJ gets affected by other things you do. If you're going to let the girl open the door for herself or you let her carry her own tray of food, chances are that she'll lose interest. You can be 'bloody interesting' but if you're also ungentlemanly, she won't be interested. If you're fidgeting during the conversation, or being a MacHead and insist on swiping on your iPhone instead of concentrating on the conversation (because you have one and 'it’s cool') - seeya later alligator!

Are you giving her the impression that you're trying too hard to be interesting? It will turn her off immediately - bye!

Conversational jujitsu will also not work if you and the girl are not right for each other. You might be a possessive-boyfriend type but she is a free-spirit hippie. You can't tell from each other's outer appearance, but it comes out during your interaction. In that case, it's not the fault of the conversation. It's that you can't fit a 8-tooth key into a lock that can only be unlocked by a 6-tooth key. You might have done well in the conversation, but she knows that the both of you are not suited.

So does conversational jujitsu work? Yes, it probably does. But there are definitely contingencies involved. You need to understand what kind of nuances in tone, language and physical actions you ought to use in what situation. Once you master it though, the girl of your dreams is really not that far away.

When conversational jujitsu does work, it makes for a solid relationship foundation. It paves the way for a long-lasting relationship with an amazing girl. You can even continue to use conversational jujitsu on your girlfriend. Randomly send her a cute text and remind her about what made her fall for you. (see an example from one of my favourite bloggers - My happiest relationship ever is the one where my boyfriend made me laugh every day (though we quarrel nearly as much). Yesh, he used conversational jujitsu hehe.


One caveat about conversational jujitsu: Girls are not pieces of paper. We are not made to a standardized size, shape, weight and characteristic. We all differ. You cannot throw in the exact same lines given in the posts and hope that they work. They won't. What you say is conditional on the situation. You need to know how to make use of CJ to highlight your strengths, and throw in lines that still reflect your own personality. Don't try to portray yourself to be something you are not. It will only become a great letdown when she gets to know you later on.

lena x gbilwoman

Notes: Follow us on Twitter @sixguysofficial. No renegade hamsters this time, I promise.


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